By Festus Ogunseitan
The life story of late singer, Osinachi, the producer of the gospel album “Ekwueme” and others in her shoes made it clear and convincing that it is better for spouses in abused marriages to stay alive than to live in such life threatening marriages.
God will never support violence or death from violence because of anything. I have heard false narratives supported with scriptures that God hates divorce and so advised that, couples should try as much as possible to endure bad marriages in order not to offend God. These are mere fantasies, heresies, and indoctrinations. They are baseless in all their claims.
Apostle Paul, a major disciple of Christ and a very committed one was not married and he made it clear to all believers that it is better if ministers of God could remain unmarried, as he said in 1 Corinthians 7:28, “Married people have worldly troubles” and marriage may often conflict with spiritual assignments.
Also in Mathew 22:30, Jesus Christ himself disclosed that “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like angels in heaven.”
So of what use is marriage other than for personal interests and procreation?
Don’t get me wrong, marriage is good for companionship, strength and procreation as wished by God, and it is for our own good, if we decide so, but marriage is not mandatory, nor is it required for making heaven as opined by most preachers.
As good as marriage is, it needs to be properly considered, especially in this era of the globalization of western culture, gender equality and human rights, in order to avoid consequences of conflicts.
When a marriage portends threats, there is need for proper appraisal in deciding on the safety of the partner at risk.
Other sensitive areas of Scripture and parents’ ignorance are often used to coerce couples into violent marriages for example Matthew 19:6 and Mark 10:9 that says “What God has joined together let no man put asunder.”
The quotation is not intended to force marriage on couples but to advise on the sanctity of marriage. For the sake of preserving the institution of marriage, protection of children’s rights and welfare, Jesus charged married couples to take their marriages seriously for the sake of a sane society.
In Ephesians 5:23, apostle Paul who himself was not married encouraged those who chose to marry should do so in all honesty of purpose by fulfilling the established roles of husband and wife in the scripture. Paul compared husband and wife to Jesus and the church respectively.
‘For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior.”
Bible says the husband must love the wife, and love encompasses all laws. So, no man who loves his wife will put her down, ridicule or abuse her before anyone. Bible added to it that any man who maltreats his wife will not get answers to his prayers from God.
Also, a man who cannot provide for his wife and the children, he said, is worse than an infidel because a wife is a helpmeet in marriage not a slave. To obey is not to submit to maltreatments because it is the same God who creates all.
Also there cannot be two identical homes, the same way we are all wonderfully and fearfully created but individual husbands determine the nature of his marriage. For that to materialize well, there is a period of courtship in marriage when individual characters are assessed before agreeing on marriage.
Marriage is sacrosanct and should be honored and the vows kept for the sake of a better society, a safer world as the family is a unit of the society and of the larger nation but every believer who is willing to go into marriage must take time to look for a suitable life partner so that the problems of disunited homes, divorce, abandoned children and single parenting will be curtailed.
It is an evil thing to marry and not to keep the marriage vows because that often leads to societal crimes, youth violence, and social crisis engaged by children who are born without parental guidance and control.
Marriage is good only for those who are ready to fulfil the roles inherent, but for others who believe mostly in gender equality, it often leads to arguments, quarrels and violence which are on the increase today even among believers.
The western civilization has done much to corrupt the marriage system as a mandate from God by infusing it with the ideas of “common sense” and “equal rights”. Marriage is a spiritual agreement. It can’t be handled with common sense but by God who ordained it as a holy thing. Marriage institution has today become contradicted, muddled and polluted with western culture encouraging increasing cases of divorce, single parenting, violent youths and crimes.
For those who believe in the new trends of marriage, the Gen Z generation, this narrative of mine on marriage cannot be accepted. The elders of today grew up in the traditional settings of the original mandate for marriage as God put it, with husbands and wives sharing their marital roles joyfully. Sarah called Abraham, her husband as “My Lord”. She obeyed him and made all efforts to please him to the extent of giving her maid Hagar to him to bear him a son.
God made the roles in marriage distinct and clear as “Husbands, love your wives as unto the Lord and wives obey your husbands.” Eve was created to serve and to obey Adam, while Adam loved to the extent that he fell to the temptations of the devil. Thereafter, God turned the authority of woman totally to her husband. Genesis 3:16 says “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you”
For a husband to love his wife has no limit nor law attached to it, but rather that husbands should love their wives without limit with all their hearts and with their body.
Some believers mislead others through preaching a sermon of God hates divorce even in the face of threats to life and unfortunately, this has caused the premature death of many like Osinachi. Of what benefit is marriage if the threatened spouse will not be alive to parent the children of marriage?
A King has many wives all around him, it is in the same fashion that husbands are created like Kings and wives like their Queens. A man is a King in his home with wives surrounding him like treasures to be his pleasures in his kingdom.
The Bible in 1 Corinthians 11:5 advises women to cover their heads while ministering in the church to honor their heads which is the husband – “Every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head…”
Proverb 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. This verse agrees with Paul that marriage is a choice and mainly a blessing of God as the phrase “He who finds a wife…” is conditional and not bounding on every man. This was the reason why in spite of so many wives owned by the patriarchs of faith, Abraham, Moses, King David, King Solomon etc., they still maintained control of their homes and they were never judged nor condemned from performing their godly duties by God.
