It was getting close to midnight on Saturday 30th April 2020 and there we were by the poolside at Heidi Court, Ajose Adeogun Street, Victoria Island, Lagos, savouring what some of us suspected could be “the last of the summer wine” or more appropriately, the final moments of our connection with civilization – in terms of tranquillity, order, decorum, and conviviality.
The final piece of the puzzle was the bold headline on the front page of the day’s
“The Nation”: “WE ARE NEGLECTED, TWO LAGOS SLUMS CRY.”
“I’M SEEKING HELP.”
The rest of the report should be of interest to the President of the World Bank, Mr. David Malpass; the Secretary-General of the United Nations, Mr. Anthonio Guterres; and Dr. (Mrs.) Kristalina Georgieva, Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund.
“Over 60 per cent of the residents of Lagos are poor and live in the over 100 slums and informal settlements scattered across the city. They lack access to water, sanitation, and other basic services. This makes them particularly vulnerable during a health crisis. The United Nations Human Settlements Programme (UNHS) defines a slum as a wide range of low-income settlements and/or poor human living conditions, which includes the vast informal settlements that are quickly becoming the most visual expression of urban poverty. This is also the case in other cities in Nigeria, where the growth rate of the urban population is faster than economic growth, which is increasingly outpacing health and social services.
Their leader said his people are unhappy because they have not felt the impact of the government, adding that his people have resigned themselves to fate after years of seeking the government’s attention without success.
We have been begging them for a very long time to connect us with the water at Mile 12, but nothing has happened.
We don’t have water to drink and we wonder if we have a government. We only depend on vendors for potable water, which goes for N100 for a keg of 25 litres. How do we cope with that? This is a community that has government officials. This is Lagos State, not anywhere else? He said, “
From the front page of “ThisDay” newspaper, we learn that the police are bored with chasing rapists, kidnappers, arsonists, fraudsters, money ritualists, terrorists etc. Instead, the headline delivers a startling revelation:
N310,000 FARE TO HEAVEN FOR CHURCH MEMBERS.”
With perfect timing, our hostess, the ever-charming Heidi, is checking to make sure that we get a second helping of the delicious food and a plentiful supply of exotic wine, plus more. The spirits are on special duty to chase melancholy, despair, and guilt.
Suddenly, the celebrant (her 87-year-old husband, who is the other half of fifty years of blissful marriage), Professor Theo Ogunbiyi, is summoned to cut his birthday cake. Rather than agonise over whether there is enough room for eighty-seven candles on the cake, the eminent retired surgeon demands a knife and, with clinical precision, proceeds to slice the cake with a little assistance from his beloved wife. Hovering in the background is their son, Michael, who is ever so eager to ensure that we are all having a great time. We owe him a huge debt of gratitude.
Then it was time for the boisterous singing of “Happy Birthday,” followed by a somewhat dodgy rendition of
“He’s a really nice guy.”
The cheer-leader was none other than Richard Akerele (a “Gregorian”), whose father, Dr. Oni Akerele, was my father’s [Chief J.K. Randle] classmate at King’s College. Actually, it was Dr. Akerele who founded “Egbe Omo Oduduwa” in London in 1948 when he lived at 52, Messina Avenue, Kilburn, and Chief Obafemi was the indefatigable Secretary. Richard’s wife, the Elder, is both Italian and Nigerian.
From the celebrant’s speech, it was evident that the guest list had been deliberately pruned down to the “usual suspects”—family, friends, and close associates. Out of the blue, I was invited to propose the toast of the celebrant. As is often the case, the best speeches are the ones we never get to make!
It has been a turbulent week with terrorists on the rampage and kidnappers pursuing their own perverted version of “equal opportunities” – men, women, and children. Apart from bombing trains, they attacked military barracks in Kaduna and its environs. The line between “soft” and “hard” targets has become blurred. The American National Academy of Sciences delivered a sombre message in the midst of carnage and turmoil:
“Terrorists seek to provoke their adversaries into a reaction, preferably an overreaction.”
We are not talking science, but anarchy and chaos. Let us get on with the business at hand—a toast to one of nature’s finest specimens. He attended St. Gregory’s College, Obalende (which makes him a “Gregorian”) before proceeding to St. Catherine’s College, Oxford University, where he studied medicine and specialised in surgery.
Seated next to the “Birthday Boy” is none other than his soul brother, Chief Olabode Emanuel, a Chartered Accountant who is also a Gregorian. This is double jeopardy! Ten days earlier, he celebrated his own 87th birthday – in London. Now, there is a problem. How do you propose the toast of one Gregorian to the exclusion of the other Gregorians (including Mr. Olusola McGregor, the Quantity Surveyor whose family house was next door to Ogunbiyi’s on Bamgbose Street, Lagos)?
The least I can do is to acknowledge that the Gregorians have done a superlative job of rescuing their school from ruin and setting it on the path to becoming a national treasure. It has become the stuff of folklore.
From being a Catholic school that had delivered a ceaseless stream of high achievers to Nigeria – in law, medicine, civil service, banking, military, etc. – it was seized by a vengeful Governor of Lagos. The classrooms became overcrowded, and the hapless teachers were devasted by rapidly diminishing morale and escalating indiscipline. It was a dreadful nightmare and a colossal disaster. King’s College, Lagos, suffered a similar fate. Its toilets have become a festering eyesore.
Almost by divine intervention (after military take-over), the government surrendered St. Gregory’s College and other mission schools to their original owners. That was when the old boys of St. Gregory’s College went to work. Much of the credit must go to Dr. John Abebe, President of the Old Boys Association, who literally rallied the troops. It was a fiercely driven rescue mission and amongst the highest donors were Professor Theo Ogunbiyi, Chief Bode Emanuel, and Prince Olu Awogboro, who became Trustees of the St. Gregory’s College Old Boys Association. I make no secret of my campaign to win the election as the next President of the St. Gregory’s College Old Boys Association (notwithstanding the fact that I attended King’s College, Lagos)!!! Fortunately, Dr. Michael Omolayole, who is a Gregorian in addition to being a graduate of Corpus Christi College, Oxford University, is firmly in my corner. He will be 94 on October 13, 2022. His keen sense of humour and intellectual curiosity remains undiminished.
Sadly, we live in a nation where intellect and intellectualism have been jettisoned. The same fate has befallen history, civics, and integrity. Nigeria has been underserved and shortchanged. But who cares? We blew the opportunity to build a vibrant country. Even now, we remain unrepentant.
Dr. Omolayole, having served as Chairman & Chief Executive of Unilever Plc (previously Lever Brothers Limited) and adviser (“Kitchen Cabinet”) to President Ibrahim Babangida, is well versed regarding our nation’s economic statistics and financial data, to wit: “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH,” which has gone viral with the following damning message:
As of March 29th, 2022, the foreign currency exchange rates were:
1 pound sterling = N783
One dollar equals N560.
1 euro = N670
42 years ago, precisely on 1/3/1980, the exchange rate was: $1 = 0.78k.
Where are our
Communication NITEL
Nigerian Airlines
My campaign has been great fun. From the polls, it looks as if I have successfully wooed the old boys of St. Gregory’s College to join the bandwagon. We are on a roll.
However, there is a snag.
The application form to participate in the election is FREE for old boys of St. Gregory’s College, but for those who did not attend the school, it is a hefty N100 million! Some of us remember how, in the 1950s and 1960s, the entire budget of Nigeria was not even up to N100,000,000 (one hundred million nairas). That was before corruption invaded our nation.
Please permit me to press the pause button and take a break for commercials. I wish to acknowledge the unparalleled sagacity and profound magnanimity of another Gregory. I refer to retired Justice Charles Archibong, who amazed me and my firm when in the judgement he delivered in the dispute between a Norwegian company, Statoil Limited, and Abucon Limited (owned by a Gregorian, Dr John Abebe), he ruled that the accounts of Statoil should be audited over a period of ten years and that J.K. Randle & Co., Chartered Accountants, should be paid the sum of U.S. $1,000,000 (one million dollars) for their professional services in this regard. It is of no consequence that we did not receive a dime. That does not in any way detract from the generosity of spirit and the recognition of my firm’s professionalism so powerfully demonstrated by His Lordship. May he continue to prosper regardless of his premature retirement. His heart was in the right place. His considered judgement should serve as a counterpoise to the judgement delivered in Greek methodology by the philosopher and playwright Euripides, whereby Iphigenia, a beautiful damsel, was sacrificed by her father for his country, but it turns out to be a wasted tragedy.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (1929–1968) was right on the money when he delivered his monumental verdict:
“The Moral Universe’s Arc is Long, but It Bends Towards Justice.”
In the meantime, we have more pressing matters to contend with. It has to do with the safety and security of the old boys of King’s College, Lagos. On April 22, 2022, an ex-Gregorian Royal Father (a boxer) passed away after spending fifty-two years on the throne of his forefathers. He was my friend. He was a great scholar and a repository of Yoruba history and tradition. In accordance with tradition, he must be accompanied to heaven by a retinue of handpicked stalwarts/stewards. Consequently, the Old Boys of King’s College have gone into hiding until the funeral ceremonies are completed, followed by forty days of mourning.
This has prompted the following responses, which are all over the internet:
- “Where is Bashorun J.K. Randle now?” Has he relocated to St. Gregory’s College, Keffi Street, Obalande, Lagos to volunteer for royal service?
- Funsho Kufeji (Race Club of Lagos—Horseracing).
- On account of the incontrovertible fact that (KC) King’s College Old Boys are enamoured of emulation of Gregorian culture, one can infer that they dissembled as Gregorians to follow the Royal Father on his celestial sojourn. They must be applauded for achieving their eternal goal of substituting the mundaneness of their “Floreat” garments for the splendour of the Jesuit (St. Gregory’s robes).
- Demola Akinrele S.A.N. (ex-St. Gregory’s College and Cambridge University).
- “Bashorun, perhaps Gregorian old boys are less timorous than their King’s College colleagues.”
- Dolapo Akinrele S.A.N. (ex-St. Gregory’s College and ex-Cambridge University).
There are many more, which have flooded social media. Most of them recommend that old boys of King’s College should grasp this unique historical moment to do their duty to “King and Country”!!
However, I remain thankful for the following intervention by a veteran broadcaster and grandmother, Mrs. Mobola Onajide:
When Oba Ewuare of Benin (1440 to 1473) passed away some centuries past, those who felt threatened by the use of the Egyptian method of monarchical burial ran to a place in the Delta with lots of palm trees and some to other parts of the present-day Midwest for shelter (and refuge).